I have been living with my parents for too long. It use to be nice. They would listen to my opinion, let me help them, and even let me live a private life; but that has all changed in the last six years. I feel like a mother does when her child grows up and leaves the nest. I feel like I am not needed or wanted anymore. I do not believe that is a fact though. They do need help but I need my independence and freedom. Maybe when I leave they will know I am not always there to help, maybe they would call one day and ask.
I wrote this letter below this year to express how I felt. I wanted to share this because everyone needs to realize the way you act influences others around you. When you are an inspiration in a person’s life, rather a parent, a manager, or a best friend, you can really hurt them when you turn negative towards them. When you have problems that are really hard on you talk to your friends, family, church, or therapist. It does really help. Be aware of how you speak. We need to see the positive side of the day. For example today it is cloudy and raining with a chance of freezing rain. This is a fact so do not look down on it like you cannot go out and do yard work. You may wounder why I say this? I say this because my neighbor chopped down a dying tree between our property line. He is out there right now, in the cold and rain, sawing the tree, now that is being optimistic. If you think you cannot do anything because it is cold and raining then you are a pessimistic. If you believe you need a jacket and maybe an umbrella to go outside then you are a realist. It is better to be a realist that leans to optimism because you need a good balance between being positive and reality. Six years ago I use to have that good balance now I am mostly a realist. I want to go back to being the way I was. Read the letter and let me know what your opinion is.
You are wondering why I refuse to speak to you and I am avoiding you. The reason is to avoid conflict and negativism. I am always argued with a fact or statement I say. I could say, “The sky is blue.” You would argue, “It is cloudy out.” Negativism is a negative or pessimistic attitude. A tendency to resist external commands, suggestions, or expectations, or internal stimuli, as hunger, by doing nothing or something contrary or unrelated to the stimulus. (Random House, Inc, 2015) This causes conflicts and it hurts me emotionally and mentally. This is just a minor thing, because I have come to a conclusion in my teen years that someone will always want to argue with another person. I did not expect it would be you arguing with me stating a fact.
The main reason I decided never to be with you again is because I am not wanted with your family. I do not have a family in this house, I have no home. I have thought when I was in Harrisburg that I would be alone for a long time. I did not think it was forever and you and Gene would abandon me. I have nights I cry myself to sleep because I am all alone. I then remember the family I have, that are not blood, but are truly family. I have a brother, a little sister, a mom and dad, a quarky old guy, and a sister going to college. They feel like family. We have different opinions. We voice are opinions, but we do not yell at one another because we are different. We joke around and if one gets offend by a joke we apologize and never joke about it again. We do not require explanation of everything in our lives. We have our privacy and we respect each other by not intruding into another’s privacy. This is not special it is common in a family relationship it is known as respect. Respect is to refrain from intruding upon or interfering with. (Random House, Inc, 2015)
What you need to know is… I would never refuse to watch a show if I just did not like it. I have done that every day. Common sense says if a person watches something he doesn’t like and refuses to watch a particular show that person must have an issue with that show. The answer to the question you probably have, yes I have a mental issue with Heartland. I have had nightmares just seeing the credits play and I left the room. If you wonder why, well join the club. I will never understand why Heartland is more important than I am. You made your choice and now you will have to live with it. One day I will be out of this state and never let you know where I am. That will be the day I will have the first day of peace in my life.
Feeling Lonely and Rejected,
Ryan Carson
Source
respect. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged. Retrieved December 26, 2016 from Dictionary.com website http://www.dictionary.com/browse/respect
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